Today, my toddler woke up screaming in the middle of his nap. He clung to me and through a hiccuping cry he whispered,
“Mom, I so scared.”
“Of what, buddy?”
“I so scared...zumza zumza...mm...umm..hmmmm...”
This is his own personal language for when he is not quite sure of the words for what he is thinking or feeling. Often when I ask him a question these days, he’ll answer this way. It’s hard not to get frustrated because I don’t know how to figure out he is scared of. I mean, shouldn’t there be a real adult here to help me out?
After I realize that I have considerably more wear and tear than the rest of the household (a two year old and a seven month old) I run through the possible fear factors: He doesn’t like when dad leaves for work, or when I go to the laundromat. He doesn’t like his door closed and he really doesn’t like the episode of Thomas the Tank Engine when Toby get scared in the woods. Ughh, I just don’t know.
When thinking over the things that cause him to fret I almost want to exclaim, “You ain’t seen nothing yet...b-b-b-baby...you ain’t seen nothing yet.” But while life can get more frightening as you get older and figure out that the people you thought held everything together and the things that made you happy are as transient and ephemeral as a belief in Santa Claus or toys that come alive when you close the door (although that one I still kind of hold out hope for since there is no way to prove that it doesn’t happen.) Singing rock songs popular in the 1980s isn't really an appropriate response at a moment like this.
This is why I started to pray...out of desperation.
More often than I care to admit I’ve been scared by things as benign as Thomas the Train. And oftener still I am less articulate than my two year old about what my problem is.
Fortunately, God understands, “zumza zumza....mm..umm..hmmmmm."
And as for all we " ain't seen yet;" what God has planned for us is better than we can ask or imagine (which is saying a lot considering someone with as wild an imagination as mine.)
God is good. End of Story. End of Naptime. End of Post.