Wednesday, January 28, 2015

A New Year, A New Start

It has been so long since I wrote on here, I feel almost like a guest blogger.  So, I picked a Wednesday to return.  Please forgive me if I drop off the earth again...I am scheduled to have a baby sometime in the next two months and based on the last two it really could be ANY time.  

But felt I should get back into the habit because I have the honor of contributing to two online publications that I am very excited about!

The first is entitled Faith InForm.  

Here’s a brief introduction from the editor and our intrepid leader, Simon Wha:

“The Faith InForm bloggers are a group of friends who have a deep desire to see young adults be transformed by the Gospel in mind, heart and deed. Our bloggers are committed to writing content that draws from their faith, the bible and their personal experiences. We hope this is helpful in informing the faith of our readers. The writing they do for Faith InForm comes from a love for blogging, a heart for people and their own time and energy. They come from all walks of life including but not limited to husbands and wives, moms and dads, pastors and working professionals.”

(He’s not joking when he says it’s an eclectic group.  I picture this as our musings on our faith since we went off the script.  You know, started making decisions for ourselves, tried to figure out what makes me...well, me and started to search for how in the world we find meaning in this crazy world .  Anyway, I look forward to the result.)

The second publication I am thrilled to be included in is already an established entity entitled: The Prodigal Chair. 
I love this site.  I love the name.  I love the art work. I love the variety of submissions.  Here is a more succinct description from the fabulous editor Thomas Guzzio, 

So what do I have in mind? My goal with Prodigal’s Chair is simple: to take small steps towards understanding large topics like love, race, sports, economic justice, abortion, music, the environment, war. The essence of Prodigal’s Chair will involve looking past the topic in order to create discourse between the people in and around them. My hope is to let this discussion occur in abstract and concrete ways. There will be a variety of art, poetry, essays, fiction, music, statistics, and links all dictated by the topic. This site will essentially be an online magazine, with the goal of having a mix of voices and perspectives. Aside from that, there will be no judgment, no strings attached.”  

Please visit the site and read his whole vision statement and reasoning behind the name, it’s deep.  

Finally, I felt it was time to write because I miss all you readers.  I miss sitting down to think and the conversations that spark from these random thoughts I think. Thank you for bearing with me during this crazy season of life.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

The season to be sick

I apologize that I haven't written in eons.  I am much much improved but still visit the doctor at least once a week to be poked and prodded.  I am grateful for this actually because I get to be extra vigilant in watching this baby that I worry so much about but cannot yet see.  Today I just wrote a stream of consciousness and then it felt a little like a post so here it is...

It’s times like this that I am totally floored that I am the adult in the situation.  When my 20 month old daughter sneaks 2 cupcakes and then throws them up in the middle of the night.  When everyone is miserable and has a fever. And I don’t even know how to clean.  Do I spray everything with Lysol?  Is that stuff hazardous how far do throw up germs sink into the fabric of a bed or pillow?  Are there such things as “throw up germs?”  If so, what are they really called?  Should I keep everyone at home?  What could we possibly do for 12 hours without hurting each other?  Don’t we need fresh air?  Am I a terrible person for bringing them into public and sharing said, “throw up germs” with the world?

So, because I feel so overwhelmed and pregnant I finish off my half gallon of milk for the day and lay on the couch to watch a mystery that can be solved in 53 minutes.  

Wow, I need God and yet I am so slow to turn to him, so weak in my passion for him.  I am truly grateful for him and all he does to take care of us, but have I yet discovered that he is beautiful? I pray that I do.  

Monday, September 15, 2014

Commonly unspoken questions about suffering

As I announced last week, we are expected another sweet baby.  And also, we are going through another high risk pregnancy.  Here are some questions I've been wrestling with.  I know most of you may not relate but I figured they are the same darn questions that spin around in my head whenever I am hurting (minus the baby part):

1. Are the baby and I gonna make it?
2.  What is really gonna help me and what is a scam? (For example the $1,000 ER visit for fluids and all my meds especially zofrane (anti-naseau @$100 a bottle).
3. How much is this about mind over matter?  

Our pastor preached a great sermon yesterday about how we are not ok, and we need the Holy Spirit at all times.  We just notice it most during hard times.  Well, I am noticing that is for sure.  

And then just to blow my mind  I was watching Running Wild with Bear Grylls and Deon Sanders was the celebrity guest.  Of course he was asked to do things that required trust, strength, agility and skills he didn't think he had.  
Think about that...... Deion Sanders...the Deion Sanders.....only man ever to hit a major league home run and score a major league touch down in the same week didn't think he had it in him!!!!  

Do you know what he did?    I couldn't have guessed.  He started tongues.  He called on God Almighty in a personal and desperate way.  And God answered.  

Deion got calm and then he did it... he completed his mission.  This is Prime Time!!!!  What?!!!  So if you are like me and need some help, suffering in big or small ways, call out to God.  He will hear you.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Bed Rest

Bed rest doesn’t seem like a bad thing at first.  It seems like a good thing and it is.  With my first baby, I spent my time of confinement learning sport stats to impress my husband and watching re-runs of Walker Texas Ranger.  

With my second baby, my friends (who are also saints) watched my toddler and I indulged in long naps and re-runs of Murder, She Wrote.  (I hope you’ve noticed my fine taste in television.) Still, the days seemed to last for weeks and the minutes for hours, just waiting for time to pass.

This time around, everything was more intense.  The “morning sickness,”  the lack of independence, the fear of having to survive another day.  It was hell.  Then, one day I dragged yourself to the door and my neighbor was there, she was taking me to the ER.  I was to weak and confused to argue so I went.  As it turned out I have/had hypermesis gravidarum. I was super dehydrated and losing weight at a frightening rate.  

Hypermesis gravidarum has been made famous by Princess Kate, Dutchess of Cambridge who had it with her first born.  Ironically, Charlotte Bronte (my favorite author) also suffered (and eventually died) from it.   All this to say, I was in bad shape.  But it seems to me that it is when we are in the worst shape that we see the best in others.

Here are some examples and thank you’s (certainly not exhaustive) of the love I’ve received:

-My neighbor baking me cookies, buying ginger ale, and lollypops that somehow really do magically take away the nausea for a little bit.

-Friends who coordinated so that every day one of them took my kids, changed their diapers, dressed them, fed them breakfast and lunch and often dinner too!

-Get Well cards, flowers and balloon.

-Someone to pick up all my multiple prescriptions.

-My brother driving me home and making sure I kept my electrolytes up with gatorade (electrolyte imbalance is the #1 threat to the baby)

-My sister letting me drink all her gatorade while juggling a job, another job and oh yeah another job.  

-My other sister holding my hand and telling me it was gonna be ok, plus changing innumerable diapers and “accidents.”

-My parents for watching over me and cajoling me into actually going to the doctor.

-My friends who did my dishes and cleaned my kitchen.

-My friends who sent me music.

-Those who kept me amused with their blogposts, instagrams, and tweets:)

-My whole family in CA for offering to take the kids and for flying my sister in law out to take care of the kids, the house and me.

-All the offers I didn’t even get to take people up on because I was so flooded with help.

-THE PRAYERS, life is a miracle.  This little one inside me and my own because I know I would have died on my own.  Thank you all!

Asking for help is hard.  
But it is worth the risk.
People probably care way more than you can imagine  (especially if they know Jesus because that is exactly what he was like...he cared and he did something about. )

Friday, September 5, 2014


First,  I apologize to each and every one of you for going MIA for over a month, no phone calls, no email, no posts, heck...besides my kids and husband I doubt I've seen many of you.   It's a long story that will have to be told in installments but the short version is...I'm on strict bed rest and the meds I'm on make my mind almost incapable of writing.  (Imagine how random I am anyway times 100.)

The good news is that I'm okay:)  I'm just having another baby!  Yikes.  It definitely doesn't feel real yet.

The other good news is that I made this video when my son found some old tap shoes to cheer myself (and hopefully everyone who watches it) up:)

...I wonder where he get's his unbelievable skills?.....

....oh yeah, like father like son.