Sunday, December 7, 2014

The season to be sick

I apologize that I haven't written in eons.  I am much much improved but still visit the doctor at least once a week to be poked and prodded.  I am grateful for this actually because I get to be extra vigilant in watching this baby that I worry so much about but cannot yet see.  Today I just wrote a stream of consciousness and then it felt a little like a post so here it is...

It’s times like this that I am totally floored that I am the adult in the situation.  When my 20 month old daughter sneaks 2 cupcakes and then throws them up in the middle of the night.  When everyone is miserable and has a fever. And I don’t even know how to clean.  Do I spray everything with Lysol?  Is that stuff hazardous how far do throw up germs sink into the fabric of a bed or pillow?  Are there such things as “throw up germs?”  If so, what are they really called?  Should I keep everyone at home?  What could we possibly do for 12 hours without hurting each other?  Don’t we need fresh air?  Am I a terrible person for bringing them into public and sharing said, “throw up germs” with the world?

So, because I feel so overwhelmed and pregnant I finish off my half gallon of milk for the day and lay on the couch to watch a mystery that can be solved in 53 minutes.  

Wow, I need God and yet I am so slow to turn to him, so weak in my passion for him.  I am truly grateful for him and all he does to take care of us, but have I yet discovered that he is beautiful? I pray that I do.  

Monday, September 15, 2014

Commonly unspoken questions about suffering

As I announced last week, we are expected another sweet baby.  And also, we are going through another high risk pregnancy.  Here are some questions I've been wrestling with.  I know most of you may not relate but I figured they are the same darn questions that spin around in my head whenever I am hurting (minus the baby part):

1. Are the baby and I gonna make it?
2.  What is really gonna help me and what is a scam? (For example the $1,000 ER visit for fluids and all my meds especially zofrane (anti-naseau @$100 a bottle).
3. How much is this about mind over matter?  

Our pastor preached a great sermon yesterday about how we are not ok, and we need the Holy Spirit at all times.  We just notice it most during hard times.  Well, I am noticing that is for sure.  

And then just to blow my mind  I was watching Running Wild with Bear Grylls and Deon Sanders was the celebrity guest.  Of course he was asked to do things that required trust, strength, agility and skills he didn't think he had.  
Think about that...... Deion Sanders...the Deion Sanders.....only man ever to hit a major league home run and score a major league touch down in the same week didn't think he had it in him!!!!  

Do you know what he did?    I couldn't have guessed.  He started tongues.  He called on God Almighty in a personal and desperate way.  And God answered.  

Deion got calm and then he did it... he completed his mission.  This is Prime Time!!!!  What?!!!  So if you are like me and need some help, suffering in big or small ways, call out to God.  He will hear you.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Bed Rest

Bed rest doesn’t seem like a bad thing at first.  It seems like a good thing and it is.  With my first baby, I spent my time of confinement learning sport stats to impress my husband and watching re-runs of Walker Texas Ranger.  

With my second baby, my friends (who are also saints) watched my toddler and I indulged in long naps and re-runs of Murder, She Wrote.  (I hope you’ve noticed my fine taste in television.) Still, the days seemed to last for weeks and the minutes for hours, just waiting for time to pass.

This time around, everything was more intense.  The “morning sickness,”  the lack of independence, the fear of having to survive another day.  It was hell.  Then, one day I dragged yourself to the door and my neighbor was there, she was taking me to the ER.  I was to weak and confused to argue so I went.  As it turned out I have/had hypermesis gravidarum. I was super dehydrated and losing weight at a frightening rate.  

Hypermesis gravidarum has been made famous by Princess Kate, Dutchess of Cambridge who had it with her first born.  Ironically, Charlotte Bronte (my favorite author) also suffered (and eventually died) from it.   All this to say, I was in bad shape.  But it seems to me that it is when we are in the worst shape that we see the best in others.

Here are some examples and thank you’s (certainly not exhaustive) of the love I’ve received:

-My neighbor baking me cookies, buying ginger ale, and lollypops that somehow really do magically take away the nausea for a little bit.

-Friends who coordinated so that every day one of them took my kids, changed their diapers, dressed them, fed them breakfast and lunch and often dinner too!

-Get Well cards, flowers and balloon.

-Someone to pick up all my multiple prescriptions.

-My brother driving me home and making sure I kept my electrolytes up with gatorade (electrolyte imbalance is the #1 threat to the baby)

-My sister letting me drink all her gatorade while juggling a job, another job and oh yeah another job.  

-My other sister holding my hand and telling me it was gonna be ok, plus changing innumerable diapers and “accidents.”

-My parents for watching over me and cajoling me into actually going to the doctor.

-My friends who did my dishes and cleaned my kitchen.

-My friends who sent me music.

-Those who kept me amused with their blogposts, instagrams, and tweets:)

-My whole family in CA for offering to take the kids and for flying my sister in law out to take care of the kids, the house and me.

-All the offers I didn’t even get to take people up on because I was so flooded with help.

-THE PRAYERS, life is a miracle.  This little one inside me and my own because I know I would have died on my own.  Thank you all!

Asking for help is hard.  
But it is worth the risk.
People probably care way more than you can imagine  (especially if they know Jesus because that is exactly what he was like...he cared and he did something about. )

Friday, September 5, 2014


First,  I apologize to each and every one of you for going MIA for over a month, no phone calls, no email, no posts, heck...besides my kids and husband I doubt I've seen many of you.   It's a long story that will have to be told in installments but the short version is...I'm on strict bed rest and the meds I'm on make my mind almost incapable of writing.  (Imagine how random I am anyway times 100.)

The good news is that I'm okay:)  I'm just having another baby!  Yikes.  It definitely doesn't feel real yet.

The other good news is that I made this video when my son found some old tap shoes to cheer myself (and hopefully everyone who watches it) up:)

...I wonder where he get's his unbelievable skills?.....

....oh yeah, like father like son.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Going Home: Our love story and the CDP Nuevo

Ok, so far, in this love story, David and I met, I confessed my feelings for him and we started dating.  Although this felt like my whole life, in reality it was really only a few months.  It was right around thanksgiving when David invited me to come home with him.  

I was the first girl that David ever brought home. 

He’d obviously dated other people but he’d never brought them to meet his mom and see his land.  
I was determined not to ruin it.  Although I knew this would be a little tricky since David had mentioned his mom had cats, like around 20 of them, and I was horribly allergic.  Of course, not ruining things required me to act like having 20 cats is totally a normal everyday thing I was used to, not a threat to my ability to breathe.  
Before we left Santa Barbara we had breakfast with his sister Kalli and her husband.  They prayed for our trip to Nuevo...after which I was like, “Where is Nuevo?  I thought you lived in Riverside?”  I had a lot to learn.
Come to find out Nuevo is the name of the CDP (Census Designated Place they lived (it’s not technically even a city hall...just land, land and more land) in Riverside county.  It’s population and it’s total acreage both hover around the 4,000 mark.  David’s family making up a good portion of the population and owning the majority of the land.  
No place on earth smells like Nuevo, CA with the pungent smell diary farm manure and the rich earthy alfalfa, sod and sundry other crops covering the land.   It is completely wide open, I kind of gasped when we made it through the mountains and looked down on the expanse below.  It was brown, baked in the sun with little hints of green olive trees lining the main ways.  I felt out of sorts without the green refuge of trees I was so used to.  
The streets were mostly unpaved and I was happy to be bumping along in David’s cherry red F150 rather than my hand-me-down minivan.  It was obvious from the moment the land came into view that David loved it.  He pointed out landmarks and places he and his dad had farmed, fished, hiked.  His shoulders relaxed; he was clearly at home.    
As we pulled into a dirt driveway I fell in love with the place. It totally harkened back to my early 1990s obsession with the movie Overboard (with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.)  The rusted out cars in the driveway, the enormous springs and tractor parts strewn about the backyard bore put me at ease.  
I noticed 3 more things as David escorted me inside.  #1. The oven was held closed with two shoestrings that seemed to be slightly singed.  #2.  David’s mom was even more gorgeous than he had told me with long blond hair and piercing blue eyes. She looked more like his older sister than his mom.  #3.  The “shower” was in truth just a over-oxidized pipe sticking out of the bathroom wall.  
As we took the tour of the house, I saw the cats.  It was hard to keep count because David’s mom only took in black and white cats.  Or rather she took in a cat named, “Fat Cat Moo Cow” who’d  sired most of the rest. 
As much as I despised the cat’s hair I was impressed by the way David and his family cared for animals.    Their compassion knew no bounds, it extended to humans and ran over onto every living creature God made.
The next morning we went to Beverly Ann’s donuts which had been bought out by a chinese restaurant but still sold donuts.  Much to my chagrin, Fat Cat Moo Cow and his brood seemed to have reign even over the tiny shopping complex down the road.   By the time we left.  My nose was completely plugged up.  My throat was a straw sized passage that I wheezed through and my eyes were hard to keep open both because of the constant watering and the extreme puffiness.  But I was happy, I’d completed phase 1. His mom’s house, now it was on to Hemet and the rest of the family.