Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Doubt

As I wrote below, I do not consider myself a professional writer.  In fact, some days I do not even consider myself a mediocre writer.  Nonetheless, I hoped somewhere deep in my self-centered psyche that starting a blog would assuage those anxieties and confirm my writerly-ness.  

After all I must be a writer...I cannot help but write - on the train, while I teach, in meetings, at dinner.  My hand is ever moving, my brain ever cogitating.

Unfortunately today is one of those days that I feel completely certain that I am a sub-par writer and therefore a sub-par human being.  After all, I don’t even have a genre... I don’t know what I am writing.  

This week in my quest to be prolific I have written an awful mess of musings on a prompt from Writer’s Digest.  Thus discouraged, I attempted a poem about the color chartreuse...need I say more? 

And then tonight, I felt the urge to locate and join a writing group.  I sat down at the computer eager to connect with other creative minds, to be inspired, encouraged..told that everything is going to be alright.

Instead, I feel like I’ve hit my head against a glass wall I did not know was there.  Everyone is connected, everyone has fees, everyone knows what they are working on, has a purpose and direction. 

And I standing on the outside looking in.  Knocking on soundproof glass.  

Looking, I am sure, like an idiot.  

This is undeniably a depressing (and poorly written) post but perhaps somewhere there is another dejected writer bemoaning their inadequacies...to them I would say, “I feel your pain. You are not alone.  We’ll make it somehow.” or some other inane verbiage that would convince us both that becoming a writer is not beyond our grasp.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Forward

“I have a million reasons why I doubt I can ever be a ‘real’ writer...” 

I penned these words in my personal reflections upon reaching the end of my final graduate course at Boston College.  To them, my professor replied, “Publication is not what makes one a writer- writing is!”

Be that as it may, publication looms large among my personal motivations.

This project, Penned but not Published, is meant to chronicle my quest for publication.  My goal as I begin is that within the year my name will be in print somewhere being read by someone.  Up till now I have not even had the courage to finish a real polished piece of writing.  I have not dared to submit my work to anyone who has not assigned it first.  

I have the following rules for myself:
-Write constantly then reflect
-Write honestly without fear
-Finish what you start
-Network, submit, take risks
-There are no shortcuts* 

My assumption is that I am not alone in this quest for writerly actualization.  I hope many people who have a story to tell, who burn with the desire to write, who long to create something authentic will visit this site.  I hope they will gather encouragement, inspiration and wisdom here.


* taken from the book by Rafe Esquith