I was asked by a writer whom I hold in high esteem to tell her a little about my blog.
I immediately began to sweat...I wanted to say, “Look, I know I need a better platform, something that makes me stand out, something hip and hashtagable, but well, to quote Charlotte Bronte “I am just going to write because I can’t help it.”
I have an anxiety disorder with Obsessive Compulsive tendencies.
Some of my compulsions are silly, like mindlessly shifting pens, highlighters, Easter decorations, other people’s sticky notes into rainbow order (ROYGBIV).
Some of my compulsions are unhealthy, such as scratching my skin until I bleed when anxious (don’t worry I have a therapist and even better...Jesus.)
But I also have a compulsion to write things down. I have had it since I was very small...since elementary school when I first encountered panic attacks. I quickly realized that if I didn’t write I didn’t feel alive. It was my way of making sense of rational and irrational fears.
I would climb up into a tree behind our house and pen all sorts of thoughts, dreams and stories into hundreds of notebooks. I still keep a notebook or 12 but fortunately I can write online too. It’s still compulsive just much more eco-friendly.
I named the blog “Penned but Not Published” in hopes of forcing myself to finish some sort of manuscript and seriously pursue publication. It turns out my mom was right and it is hard to force me to do anything.
However, blogging has enabled me to write almost daily, read the thoughts of writers around the world and collect information about the publishing world.
My posting schedule is not as regimented as you might expect from someone like me...
I love Wednesdays best because the posts are written by guests. I have been blessed with a panoply of talented friends and family who are willing to contribute.
One day a week I try to post some scenes from short stories I am working on. I usually realize how bad they are as I post them but it sparks my revision process and I have gotten some invaluable feedback from readers.
Finally, I try and have one day when I let myself go and I write about anything and everything: my faith, my prowess at baking, my failures at cooking, my adventures, my writing.
So I write because that is the way God wired me. I write because I love it. I write because I cannot help it.