Monday, June 23, 2014

Big Plans: The year long decision we didn't make

Last September we had a choice to make: should we continue to go to the church we have been attending for the 8 years we’ve lived here or should we join the group from the church who was planting an urban church near our neighborhood.  

The decision we kept coming to was “neither.” Honestly, both were really good options but neither felt right.  We both felt dis-ease and unsettled in our hearts.  So we started looking into moving, like far away, like back to CA or anywhere warm really.  David had been in Puerto Rico with his best friends from growing up and we both realized how much we miss the surf and sun.  

Almost as soon as we thought about moving David got a job offer from a company in TX.  He turned them down but we decided we should check out the opportunities there.  I immediately began to freak out.  Then I started the following dialogue with David (a monologue really since I never gave this to him or read it aloud...cause that just seemed weird):

"I know in my heart that we should go.  I can just sense it.  
I heard it in my mom’s voice...  “It’s an idea whose time has come.”  I saw that through her grief at losing her only two grandchildren that she still felt peace and trusted God who is the author of all great ideas in the first place.  
I knew it on our 7 year anniversary, when I wrote our vows out from Ruth, “Where you go, I will go...where you die, I will die.  Your people will be my people and your God my God.  May God deal with me ever so severely if anything but death separates us.”
I knew it when I read Glimpses of Grace Chapter 9 about hardship and how God takes away our pacifiers so that we can have him.  Even if we are happy with our pacifiers, they aren’t the best God has for us.  
I knew it when the dark started coming earlier and earlier and the cold let us play outside less and less.  And J.Wynn screamed about his gloves falling off before we even got to the bottom of the stairs
I knew it when  people who would cut off their arms for us to stay said that we should follow the lead of the Spirit and not quench it.  
When you went to TX randomly walked in on a board meeting at ---- Homes and then the CEO emailed you back even though I wrote a very open ended/ badly written email to him.  When he wanted to see your resume and references and has space for you.  
I still get sad to think about our amazing neighbors...not to mention the best land lady in the world
I hate the idea of leaving when:
A friend gives an unbelievable talk on gospel and I realize I have so much more to learn.
I meet a host of new people who I’d love to get to know but don’t feel I have the time. 
I sit at the park with other moms watching our kids enjoy the neighborhood and their friends.  
But I have to let them go.  It has taken a year to come to this decision but here we are.  At the crossroads."
Once the spring arrived, I narrowed my rambling thoughts down into a list (as I am wont to do:)

March 19th, 2014

Here is why today I think we should move:

  1. David is more important to me than any friend.  Leaving my friends will be hard but it will drive David and I closer together if we let it
  2. The guy actually emailed him back with three exclamation marks!!!!
  3. We would be closer to CA and could do PC as a family!
  4. Having David home is more important than any friends the kids have
  5. I want to take this scary plunge and have a life of adventure together
  6. 5 amazing properties for rent within our budget
  7. I am excited about my homeschooling ideas to supplement whatever school they have there
Next, I started planning

If I move to AUSTIN...
I get the opportunity to start over, totally fresh and there are not many opportunities to do that in life.  So if I move to Austin.... I will:

-Count 1,000 gifts
-Take time to be outside every single day
 -Learn to be honest and accurate when I tell stories
-Not create the piles that drive David so crazy
-Put up family photos!
-Pray every day with David
-Get up with David to make breakfast and lunch
-Learn Spanish
-Limited Screen Time and buy a battery operated clock with alarm.
-Be a Hands Free Mama
-NOT be a gossip or news bearer

Not forgetting back-up plans:

And if we don’t move...
   So if Austin falls through, then what?
Was it to get me to officially quit my job and use my retirement to pay off some debts?
Was it to teach me how to submit to my husband even when I am not sure what is best?
Was it so that I would un-enroll J.Wynn from pre-school?  
Was it so that I could appreciate with fresh eyes the beauty of the community on our block and the greenery of the trees that the abundance of lakes and water?

Wherever we go what I truly care about is:
  1. Prayer life, being led by the Spirit
  2. Quality time together as a family ( I think David and I need to talk about what this looks like for us.)
  3. Quality time as a couple.  (again...need to discuss)

Finally David actually went there and came back with a great job offer.  
So we decided to move...and the first ones to find out where David’s best friends who live there, who we were super excited about being neighbors with...

March 31st 
The reaction:
It was the night of the big decision and it could have gone either way.  We called up David's friend M. and his family.
     Junior was wanting him to go watch Casey at the Bat.  M. put on his cowboy hat and his best texas drawl.  Then he invited his wife in from cooking dinner to convince us too.  Once they were all in there saying how they wanted us to come I had to tell them.  David and I had just been fighting about it being his decision.  But it is mine too.  I want this adventure with him.  It is going to make us closer, more loving, better parents.  I am excited.  But M., he was dancing around the room like a maniac with Junior.  I was cracking up:)  
What was most inspiring to me was David’s stoic response amidst all M.’s craziness.  He took it all in stride and let his best friend wear himself out.  Then later he and M. talked a bit more on the phone but I was so happy to see that I am not the only one he doesn’t give a reaction to.  

April 3rd
It's funny that now that we know we are leaving we are freed up to do all kinds of fun things.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from David’s shoulder’s.   Tonight we had Korean food with our neighbors and just sat talking, laughing and eating together.  It was priceless.

And suddenly, 3 weeks before we were planning to move.  It all fell through.  I’d been praying for a sure sign and this really felt like it. Every door that had seemed opened slammed in our face.  It didn’t feel good.  For as happy as I was at the prospect of staying it didn’t feel good to have our whole world turned upside down again.  The spinning cycle of uncertainty threw me into a panic.

1. How can we go on with David working 50-60 hours a week and commuting 10-12?
2. Why doesn’t it seem like we are growing in our faith like we want to be?
3. How can we afford to stay?

Last week (when I realized that we will almost certainly be living here for at least another year)... God did an amazing thing!  

He showed us his love through all of you.  Seriously, every: kind word, morsel of food, load of laundry, prayer, penny, hundred dollar bill, word of wisdom or moment together we have received with inexplicable gratitude.  

Thank you for showing us how God loves us: here or there, near or far, poor or rich, good or bad.  So, if you are far away we still miss you and would love to be closer.  And yup, if you live near us you are stuck with us at least a little longer:)  That’s the story of us and the lone star state. 

No comments:

Post a Comment