"The fall equinox is only a few days away. Autumn is usually a sad season for me. I get anxious to jump from summer to winter in one big crash - to ignore the fact that change is often slow - I try to create my own solstice where all at once, I'm different. But it has struck me the past few days that I should let autumn rest in my bones and in my spirit. Fall holds both the final secrets of summer and the doors to the winter. It's almost hot, and then almost cold. It's the last taste of life and the first bite of death. It is a season of change, and I want to be seasoned and changed by it this time 'round...
As a songwriter, I feel this fall will be a time to form new ideas, new projects, and to write. But then I ask myself: "What if I'm not inspired? What if I let winter creep in, and I miss all the colors? What if I just watch my leaves fade, then fall? What if I don't find anything to write about? In my opinion, my best songs are those that are sparked with inspiration and finished with process. Inspiration and Process. Meat and Bones. I need both: if I try to write a song that is 100% inspired, then it lacks precision, form, structure, and clarity. If I try to write a song that is solely from process, it can only ever be a representation of the real thing - a skeleton - no meat! This is why I am keen for inspiration this fall. I want to gather and reap and store away, so that in the winter months, I will have meat saved - I will have substance to put on the carefully crafted skeletons.
I had a summer filled with music, performances, friends, family, and travel. It was a time to be in bloom, to show off, to be brave, bold, rich, and colorful. I released my first solo album in June, and I spent July and August performing the songs off of that album and many new songs. I formed a band, and we rehearsed, wrote, explored, collaborated, disagreed, recorded, and lived together. It was fruitful.
Now that season has ended. Now, I need to harvest the memories and ideas created in summer. Now, I need to witness the beautiful changes around me and within me. Now, I need to be willing to fall and to die, to loosen my grasp. I sometimes try to squeeze a moment or a day or a person for all their worth - in attempts to get 'the most out of them' - but in so doing, I risk strangling the moment, the day, or the person. Now, I need to prepare, watch, listen, wait, save, write, store-away. Now, I need to change.
The fall equinox is 12 hours of day and 12 hours of night. This is a day and a season of 'in between'. I want to learn how to work, create, and live in the 'in between' this autumn."
Anna
*Thank you to Kate for asking me to be a guest writer on your blog!
If you are interested in purchasing my recent album, Feel Better, it is available on iTunes (search Anna Paddock and/or Feel Better). It is also available on cdbaby.com
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What a great reminder to enjoy the process. I, too, struggle with wanting to jump into the next thing, and often find myself paralyzed with what to do while I'm waiting for the next thing. I long to let the waves of change wash over me, and ride them with a smile!
ReplyDeleteBeing close to winter, I like to think of it as a putting down of roots, of digging deeper and growing stronger...spring will come and the tilt of earth and sun will not set me off kilter. The time of dormancy is also a time to go to the sugar house and boil the sap...sweetness isn't just for summer and bees.
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