As I wrote below, I do not consider myself a professional writer. In fact, some days I do not even consider myself a mediocre writer. Nonetheless, I hoped somewhere deep in my self-centered psyche that starting a blog would assuage those anxieties and confirm my writerly-ness.
After all I must be a writer...I cannot help but write - on the train, while I teach, in meetings, at dinner. My hand is ever moving, my brain ever cogitating.
Unfortunately today is one of those days that I feel completely certain that I am a sub-par writer and therefore a sub-par human being. After all, I don’t even have a genre... I don’t know what I am writing.
This week in my quest to be prolific I have written an awful mess of musings on a prompt from Writer’s Digest. Thus discouraged, I attempted a poem about the color chartreuse...need I say more?
And then tonight, I felt the urge to locate and join a writing group. I sat down at the computer eager to connect with other creative minds, to be inspired, encouraged..told that everything is going to be alright.
Instead, I feel like I’ve hit my head against a glass wall I did not know was there. Everyone is connected, everyone has fees, everyone knows what they are working on, has a purpose and direction.
And I standing on the outside looking in. Knocking on soundproof glass.
Looking, I am sure, like an idiot.
This is undeniably a depressing (and poorly written) post but perhaps somewhere there is another dejected writer bemoaning their inadequacies...to them I would say, “I feel your pain. You are not alone. We’ll make it somehow.” or some other inane verbiage that would convince us both that becoming a writer is not beyond our grasp.
I have great enjoyed this well written post. I have a friend who is a best-selling novelist who has these same anxieties. I for one would like to be done with them as they paralyzed me for years, but they still come up when the mood strikes, and it is heartening to read of another writer's similar inner battle. Glad you are fighting the good fight.
ReplyDeletep.s. I'm at amusingfire.blogspot.com still feel like I'm blogging in the wilderness, mostly.
I don't think there's a writer alive - or any other creative person - who doesn't doubt their own worth, probably more often than not.
ReplyDeleteThe inner critic is one of the most destructive companions a writer can have. Mine sits on my shoulder and tells me that what I've just written is absolute sh**! You have to learn to ignore that voice, trusting in your own sense of style and ability. We're always learning from what we read of other's work but it's a mistake to make comparisons. Keep writing and know that you are absolutely not alone with your fears.
Kate-
ReplyDeleteThanks for being the first visitor to leave a comment on my blog. I will always appreciate it. Your encouragement was a shot in the arm when I was feeling hopeless.
I am grateful.
Deborah-
Thank you for being the very first to follow Penned but not Published. Thank you as well for you insightful comments here and on your own blog. The Temptation of Words is full of provocative writing that I enjoy absorbing and pondering. I appreciate it’s depth and authenticity.