The Mount of Freedom by Anonymous

Today's guest blogger is one of the most extraordinary students I have ever had.  She has been writing a short story every single week of this year.  That is 46 stories to date!!!  I love this piece. I love the tone and emotion.  I love the authenticity and freedom she conveys. I am so excited to share it with you:

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I was 1000 meters off the ground feeling like I could touch the sky. I could feel the crisp fall air and soft winds brush across my hot face. The blue skies above me and a gray rock underneath. I saw miles and miles of green with birds flying sky high towards the horizon. I took a breathe of the fresh air and felt freedom... Like a bird in the sky. No limits what so ever!

It wasn't the first time I climbed up Mount Monadnock. I actually went for my 10th birthday with my family. It was a surprise gift, adventure from my aunt and all I could remember was feeling free. I was going through a somewhat tough week. I just wanted to run away... and that's exactly what I did. I told my aunt who was in town, I wanted to take a hike up Mount Monadnock again. 

Without any questions or second thoughts, we were off on the road. We got a hotel room and stayed there for the night. By the time we got there, it would have been to late to be hiking. Early the next morning, my aunt and I got up. We gathered our stuff and got ready for the hike, I was so eager to get back up to the top of the mountain. I just wanted to relax while I had my time up there. No one was really on the trail to the top of the mountain that morning so it was very quiet. Quiet enough for me to take in the nature surrounding me as well as to think on my way up. I plugged in my headphones to my iPod and I was off. There wasn't much talking between my aunt and me until the middle of the hike... My iPod died so I had to talk to my aunt. We talked about college and the future which got me upset because even when I was trying to escape the world/reality, annoying life conversations came up.

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I was getting hot from climbing but the occasional winds made the climb worth it. The winds gave me another reason to get to the top. A couple hours later, we got there. I couldn't believe my eyes! I saw everything! At that moment, I was looking down at the world! I saw the trees from the top and no longer from the bottom! I was as high as the birds! I felt some weight lift off of me while I was at the top. No one was telling me what to do or what to think! I was finally happy! It was very breezy and every breeze made me feel more and more relaxed. Everything felt possible to me then. I took a seat at the edge of the rock and thought. Not about anything in particular, I just thought. I thought about the feeling of being so high up where I felt like the queen of the world. Everything was in my power and I could do whatever makes me happy! Feeling free from the world was amazing. No one was judging me on my messy hair and red face. No one was telling me to be a bigger person or to go away! For that hour I was at the top, I ran away. If I could, I would stay up there, on top, in a world of my own by myself smiling. There is nothing in this world that compares to being free!

Failing

I think we can all come together around this fact...no one likes failure.

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Not even contrarians or masochists can make a compelling case that the sensation of inadequacy is enjoyable.  I felt this very sensation on Saturday when I woke up early to check the National Board Teaching Certification results.  All last school year I worked on my portfolio, all spring I studied for the test.  I took it in June and the results were supposed to be posted this week.  They were. I failed.  

It felt like a baseball bat swung at my stomach.  I wanted a chance to defend myself, to prove my competency as a teacher, but I suppose that is what the assessment is for in the first place and my defense was found wanting.  

Still, I am a never say die sort of person so I keep thinking that if the panel of assessors knew my circumstances they would have been a little more impressed.  Aren’t there points that could be awarded for compiling this 400 page portfolio during a scary and difficult pregnancy?  I went to my final portfolio review while in labor.  Can we get some sort of curve considering I took the standardized test a mere 2 months after my baby girl was born.  How about some credit for hard work?  I put in innumerable hours working on this; hours  stolen from sleeping or showering or even at times, eating.  

So come on NBCT, cut me a break.  

But for as much as I want to fight it, none of those things prove that I’m a good teacher.   

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And this failure has brought me face to face with the reality that I do not inherently deserve success or reward.  

Hard work and pain don’t always equal gain.  

This hurts because it shakes the very core of my protestant work ethic.  

What should I have done differently?   If I can’t pull it together and pass a stupid test what can I do?  Who can I trust to come through in tough times if not myself?  

To retake the assessment is a mere $1,057 but a thousand dollars is a small price to pay to remind me that who I am is not dependent upon what I do.  And those 20 overall points I need to become a Nationally Certified Teacher will not ensure inner bliss and fulfillment.  

So here is how I see it:

(Well, actually this is how a super good friend of mind told me to look at it, and it has made all the difference.)  

Creation- God made me.  He made me with a passion to teach and to read and to write.  He made me a little bit like him with the ability to love and to feel. 

Fall- But, I mess up.  All. The. Time.  I fail tests, I lose important paperwork, I get frustrated and give up. I hurt people that I should be helping.

* Here is where I am right now!~

Redemption- I can’t make it right.  I can’t explain my way out, I can’t just pay the $1,000 and feel better.  Someone has to come to the rescue...some people wait for their inner selves, some for knights in shining armor...me, I’m a big screw up so I am waiting for God himself to come make it right.  (And he has, believe it or not.)

Restoration- Failure makes me eager for the day when all wrongs are made right.  All tears are wiped away.  It’s probably not today, or tomorrow...but I believe in heaven, so even if it takes my whole life, I know at the end of the road there is a there is Someone, the only person I can wholly and completely trust who will look at me and say, “Well done my good and faithful servant, enter into my rest.”  

So, yeah... I’ll take an eternity of joy over an NBTC stamp of approval any day.  

Why I Am Drifting Away From Christians and Closer to Christ by Andrew Patterson (Part 3 of 3)

A few years back I decided I wasn’t going to believe in Jesus because it's what my family does. I wasn’t going to believe because that’s what my school told me to do or because that’s what I’m supposed to do. I have to believe for my own reasons. I read as many books and articles as I could about why he did or didn’t exist. I stopped praying for a while to see if my life started to suck. I read the entire Bible with the most cynical attitude possible. I threw in my general gut feeling about everything. I don’t know if this was a reasonable, thoughtful, and responsible way to investigate my faith, but I that’s what I came up with. 

There was more hard evidence that he did live than that he didn’t. My life didn’t really change without prayer, but prayer made me feel a whole lot better. The Bible didn’t make much sense to me, but the parts that were most consistent were the words in red ink. And maybe I’ve drank too much Jesus juice throughout my life, but believing in Him feels right.

So I look out now, out at fellow Christians. And boy, do we suck. Myself included. But of course we do. We’re not Jesus. He’s the savior, the ideal. He’s the top of the mountaintop, the highest height. Because He is so different from us, even those who profess to love him, he must be set apart for a reason. He’s must be “The One” because He’s completely unmatched. He is rightfully exalted because I know for a fact we damn sure don’t deserve to be.

Why don’t we stick closer to him? He was humble, accepting, and overtly loving. How come we struggle so immensely with those things? Jesus did plenty of uncomfortable things, why don’t we? What if we didn’t overcomplicate the religion and interject so much? Why do we act like we can’t find Him when he’s right there? I know we cant be Him, or even live relatively close to how He did. But I think we, as a religion, would suck a whole lot less if we didn’t stray so far away from Him. 

The Church is supposed to be the embodiment of Him. It supposed to be a strict reflection of His essence and His way of life. By in large, I just don’t see it. The Church is too far away from Jesus for it to make sense to me. Sadly, I’ll probably keep losing faith in what Christianity is. But hopefully, that continues to give me more faith in Christ. 

Why I Am Drifting Away From Christians and Closer to Christ by Andrew Patterson (Part 2 of 3)

Religion has the most influential force on humans throughout history for one reason; the comfort it provides to people. Go to any Christian church in Suburbia, USA and check out the pictures of Jesus. They’re praying to a white guy! I’m not hearing that looking for Jesus bull. People want what’s easy and cool for them. The Bible is stretched, shaped, and configured to offer the user whatever it comfortable for them.

You know what’s uncomfortable for many people? Self-reflection. Moreover, recognizing the flaws in one’s character, one’s history, or one’s behavior. The ego of Christianity is humongous. There is plenty of evidence of that, but one of the most unnerving trends I notice is the fact that Christianity never seems to admit its mistakes. 

I don’t know much about The Crusades, but from what I can gather, they weren’t very Christ-like. What I am familiar with is the history of slavery.  Throughout the entire stretch of my religious driven education (4 years in high school and 5 years at two different catholic colleges) I cannot recall a single instance of being formally educated about the real truths of slavery. 

The mature me now understands much more.  This is America, and they don’t really want to teach the suburban white kids about how this country was stolen, and then built by treating an entire race of people as property for 400+ years. I get it. But looking back, I am ashamed at the schools that I love, especially my high school, for not keeping it a little more real.

It wasn’t just brute force or threat of violence that allowed one group of men to control another for almost 5 centuries. They used the Bible to justify and assist in it. I wont go into detail here, but simple research with show what I’m talking about. Why didn’t my education include not just those, but any of the historic examples of the Bible was misused in an admittedly wrong fashion? Wouldn’t that be a more complete assessment of the religion they push? Can’t the church use the mistakes of the past as a way to teach humility?

The lack of humility Christianity has is one thing. The overtly hate-based factions of the religion today are much worse. And the Christians that shy away from denouncing those factions are doing the most damage.

America really isn’t as great as we’d like to believe. If you ever watch the first episode of “The Newsroom”, the main character, Will McAvoy does a great job in summarizing why fall short of the America we fetishize. However, one thing America does lead the world in is Christians, or as he put it, “people who believe in Angels.”

Most of my time is spent working from home, and therefore, my TV is rarely off. I spend most of my daytime viewing hours between ESPN, food network, business news, and political shows. Any reasonable person hip to current political affairs cant dent fact that conservative Christians strongly influence our political system. It is also undeniable that a growing, hate-based force is making its way into mainstream politics. 

We’re not dumb, we see it. It’s the people that bring confederate flags to the dwelling of the first black President. It’s the people that call said black President, the anti-Christ. It’s the people that call Mexicans drug mules. They condemn the poor. They don’t want equal treatment of women and the LGBT community. Those people that charge all Muslims as terrorist. The majority of those people would classify themselves as conservative, Bible thumping Christian folk. We know that.

Those people are fear driven. They justify that fear with trumped up beliefs, mislead overreactions, and misguided perceptions. Those people are an issue, but it’s the smarter people that do much more harm. 

Believe what you want about other races, the poor, gay people or whatever social issues that mean something to you. But as CHRISTians, our moral foundation very isn’t difficult to build on. It’s summarized in all the bright red ink. Love God and love everyone else. Simple. That’s it. 

It’s the people that understand the message of love, but don’t portray it, that are the problem. I’ve seen publicly and privately on numerous occasions a believer in Islam denounce the Jihadist extreme. Muhammad Ali, Malcolm X and others battled the hateful elements of the Nation of Islam movement. One reason I have the utmost respect for John McCain is because he openly separated himself from the racist elements on the Republican Party. 

What I don’t see enough of is smart Christian leaders speaking out against the hateful elements of the Religion. I see a lot of silent Samaritans. Tons of really great people that are too apathetic to the misuse of the religious text. Intelligent and possibly influential people too content with living in their Sunday bubbles where its nice and cozy.

To me, it’s obvious why there is a decline of the number of genuine Christians in this country. The entity of Christianity lacks humility and has a growing hate-filled fringe. I don’t witness enough outward expression of love from the believers. I can’t tell you when I saw a Christian leader have the balls to stand up to hate in the name of the faith. 

In my eyes, Christians do a really bad job at living like Christ. And to me, that means he is truly special. 

Why I Am Drifting Away From Christians and Closer to Christ by Andrew Patterson (Part 1 of 3)

Here is the first part of an incredible post written by my beloved brother.  I am so grateful for him and his talent for writing.  I have always and will always admire his authenticity and way with words. I hope this challenges you as much as it challenged me.  

I haven’t been to church in quiet a while. I consider myself a Christian and I recognize that as such, I’m supposed to enjoy the teachings and fellowship of others in the community. I just don’t really want to anymore. Church is decreasingly appealing. 

And yet, in the time I’ve been away from church and Christians writ large, I’ve never felt closer to Jesus. 

I struggled to find a succinct way to explain this phenomena and the only way I can do so is; Christians really suck at being anything like Jesus, and Jesus is really, truly spectacular because of that.

 I feel like I should make a few disclaimers before I continue with my premise:

1.) This is not a sweeping generalization of ALL Christians. As a black guy, trust me, I understand that sweeping stereotypes are whack. I get the complexity and diversity of this religion and all others. 

2.) Most of my expressed reasoning will be focused on race and politics because that’s where I’m most knowledgeable. A heady person should be able extrapolate these ideas to include other social issues. 

3.) I can be characterized as many things. A biblical scholar is not one of them. 

4.) When I say “Christianity” I’m referring to the believers and administers of the religion. Not its ideals. 

5.) Some of this may seem scolding or unfair, but I am making these criticisms because I believe we’re supposed to hold ourselves to a higher than socially acceptable standard. 

6.) I understand that this is strange and even hypocritical logic. In my weird mind, it makes sense, so I’m going to do my best to make it coherent to less-weird people.

Back to why I don’t go to church. 

As far as I can remember, I always enjoyed the fellowship aspect of church and cared much less about the messaging. I’m and horrible when I comes to being talked at. As a kid, the first two professions I wanted to pursue were football and becoming a lawyer. I like discussion and debate. When someone’s “preaching”, whether it was church or a lecture, I struggle to focus. I’ve always found myself silently arguing with the speaker, asking questions, or going off on thought tangents. As I’ve gotten older, I notice that while listening to a sermon, my mental journeys often ended up taking me to a similar destination; asking, “What the hell does this have to do with Jesus?”

The fundamental issue that I have with Christianity is it too often strays from its foundation. We aint Moses-ers. We aint Paul-inites. We’re CHRISTians. I think its fair assume that most intelligent Christians would at least concede that the problems of the church at large, and of its members individually, can be traced back to a separation with Jesus. 

Straying away from Jesus a HUGE problem and leads to an avalanche of issues.

It’s human nature to seek comfort and that’s what we do with religion. The large amounts of human interjection into all religions make them very pliable. Smart people can make the Bible (or Qur'an) say whatever it is they’d like it to say. This may be offensive to some, but when I hear things like “Seeking Jesus” or “Finding Jesus”, I think it’s a load of crap. Jesus aint hard to find. His words are in bright red ink! He’s right there! I’ve never felt like “looking for Jesus."